So is this the moment where I tell you that just like the phoenix my blog will be rising from its own ashes? It seems like it for now! I don’t know how long this will last though. A month? 2 weeks? Or even worse, a day? I guess the only way to find out is to stay tuned!

Anyway, for some time now, I’ve been thinking about having another blog. An anonymous blog. You know… kind of like Gossip Girl where I would just bitch about people and how annoying they can be or even reveal dirty secrets about him or her – trust me, I do have a few saucy stories to tell. Hell yeah. I can be a spiteful devil if I want to. Don’t be fooled by the sweet smile. Just saying.

The idea of the anonymous blog was also triggered by the fact that lately I have been feeling depressed and sad for so many reasons. At times, I felt like blogging about my state of mind but it was getting way too personal at some point. And frankly speaking, I didn’t want some people close to me reading about what I was really going through. You see, I have never been good at handling messy feelings and dealing with them. That’s where the anonymous blog would have been my own therapeutic outlet.

So should I get another blog? Still thinking but even if I do, you won’t know about it . See you around peeps!

We can’t expect everybody to be there for us, all at once. So it’s a lucky thing that really, all you need is *someone*.

Anyways, I was surfing the net this morning and ran into an article that caught my attention. Have you ever wondered if you were an emotional eater? Maybe this article can help figure out if you are struggling with emotional eating.

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8 Traits Of Emotional Eaters
1. My hunger comes on suddenly – Physical hunger comes on slowly. Hunger from emotional eating often comes on quickly and suddenly.

2. I crave specific foods — generally not carrot sticks or steamed broccoli. Cravings for specific, usually unhealthy foods is a sign of emotional eating. Often people like the rush they get from satisfying their cravings. That rush is fulfilling emotional hunger.

3. My hunger feels urgent — I need a particular food right away and I’m willing to walk out of my way, or get in your car late at night, or raid my kid’s Halloween candy to get it. Physical hunger, unless you haven’t eaten for a very long time, is usually pretty patient. It will wait for food. Emotional hunger demands to be satisfied immediately.

4. My hunger is often paired with an upsetting emotion — if I backtrack a few hours or a few days I’ll usually find an upsetting event and feeling that triggered the urge. Hunger that’s connected to an upsetting emotion or situation is definitely emotional hunger. Physical hunger is not typically triggered by emotions.

5. My eating habits involve unconscious eating — all of a sudden I’m eating ice-cream and I find the whole container is gone. When you’re eating for physical reasons, you are usually mindful of what you’re doing. If you catch yourself eating “just because,” then it’s likely you’re eating for emotional reasons.

6. I don’t stop eating in response to being full — I keep wanting more of the taste of the food. Physical hunger doesn’t need to be stuffed in order to be satisfied. Emotional hunger on the other hand often demands more and more food to feel satisfied.

7. My hunger isn’t located in belly — I crave the taste of a certain food in my mouth or I can’t stop thinking of a certain food. Feeling hungry in this way is usually a sign of emotional hunger. Physical hunger is happy to get what it can, while emotional hunger usually focuses on specific tastes and textures.

8. After I satisfy my hunger, I am often filled with a sense of regret or guilt – Feeding your body what it needs is not something to feel guilty about. If you feel guilty after you eat, it’s likely because part of you knows you’re not eating just to satisfy physical hunger.

(extracts taken from the diet dotcom website)

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Funny, I never thought of myself as being an emotional eater but reading this article got me pondering. *cough*

Crying out to the sky because she was lonely and hurt
But only the devil responded, because god wasn’t there…

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Back when I was a little girl, I was a dreamer. But people told me I should be practical. The flames of promising dreams were always burning stronger, kindling in my soul like a smoldering fire. I saw great things in the soft daze of a summer day and in the starry sky of a long winter night. Faith replaced fear, the way sunshine replaces gloomy dark clouds. My dreams were nursed through bad days until they were brought back to light.

I believe the eye cannot see what credence promises. Dreamers dream. We feel the excitement of infinite possibilities. We see, not black and white or grey, but vivacious and sparkling colors. We see potential. We are secret keepers of hope and skies without limit. We are your friend, your family, your neighbor. We are the gaudy and pretentious man sitting at a table of a fancy restaurant. We are the filthy beggar in the street. We are the woman on the mosque steps, her body formless beneath her hijab. We are the factory worker from another land. We are the stranger smiling at you on the bus. We are in regions of war and terror, in bustling cities, in the quiet countryside… We are here and we are there.

We walk among the arson of unbelievers, letting them tear apart our body but never reaching our soul. Just like the phoenix bird that rises out of the ashes, we never surrender. We let nothing hold us back from exploring our wildest fantasies and aspirations. And even through all life’s setbacks and disappointment, we still go on because the future is ours. We are not scared. We go on because we believe in a better day. We stay true to our beliefs.

When I was a little girl, people told me to be practical. I chose to be a dreamer. I chose to be a dreamer and an achiever.

It’s been a while since I last wrote to you. But today is a special day and I didn’t forget. How could I?

Today it’s your birthday… Happy Birthday Daddy. I love you. I wish I could say this to you face to face.

Today caused all these memories and feelings to start over and rip my heart again. Sometimes it had me asking God how he could take you away from me so suddenly. Why would he want to make me so sad? Of all the people in the world why were you his choice? I wish I could have told him first that I needed you too… I wonder if he thought of how I’d feel… I know I’m told he always picks the best. And I’m also told in time my heart will heal. But this is a lie. After all these years, my heart is still aching for you.

Little things that I took for granted when you were here seem priceless now. The memories and pictures are all I have left, and I cherish them more each day. Did I ever say thanks for giving me a childhood so rich with love? Did I ever say thanks for always being there when I needed you? Most of all, did I ever say thanks for caring?

I miss you so much… I’ve tried to live my life without you as best as I could but there’s always this endless sadness deep within my heart. There is no escape from this pain but I know you would have told me not to cry. You would have wanted me to be strong… For you, I will. After all, I’m daddy’s little girl and I want you to be proud of me.

Dad, for us there’s no time and no space, no barrier love won’t erase. Wherever you are, in my heart you will be with me. For always, forever…Beyond here and on to eternity.

Happy birthday Daddy.

With all my love,

Angele

*The title is not post related. I was listening to this song from Nickelback while drafting this entry and couldn’t think of a proper title… So..*

My head is full. Some people call it thinking. Go with it.

“… Fly, fly little one,
Upon the wind of heaven’s love,
Leave this lonely world of ours,
Escape the sorrow and the pain,
Fly, fly, precious one,
Your endless journey has begun,
Take your gentle happiness,
Far too beautiful for this,
Cross over to the other shore,
There’s peace forevermore,
But all this memory bitter-sweet,
Until we meet,
Fly, fly little angel,
Do not fear,
The moon will rise, the sun will set,
But I won’t forget…”

Maybe it’s about time to admit it. I’ve tried, oh yea, I’ve tried so very hard but today I’m standing on the line between giving up and seeing how much more I can take. My heart is heavy with sad thoughts I keep for myself. I’ve been fighting my inner demons… I’ve stumbled and picked myself up, over and over again with no safety net.

I’m tired of feeling bad for things I don’t even understand anymore. I’d rather feel nothing. It’s better… it’s easier.

Happy new year people.