I like this photo because it reminds me of the good old days. My mom and dad smiling and looking so happy… me and my lil brother so innocent and carefree. That’s how I want to remember my family .

P.S: Omfg, look at my haircut! Bob style! Seriously? (=.=’)

It’s been a while since I last wrote to you. But today is a special day and I didn’t forget. How could I?

Today it’s your birthday… Happy Birthday Daddy. I love you. I wish I could say this to you face to face.

Today caused all these memories and feelings to start over and rip my heart again. Sometimes it had me asking God how he could take you away from me so suddenly. Why would he want to make me so sad? Of all the people in the world why were you his choice? I wish I could have told him first that I needed you too… I wonder if he thought of how I’d feel… I know I’m told he always picks the best. And I’m also told in time my heart will heal. But this is a lie. After all these years, my heart is still aching for you.

Little things that I took for granted when you were here seem priceless now. The memories and pictures are all I have left, and I cherish them more each day. Did I ever say thanks for giving me a childhood so rich with love? Did I ever say thanks for always being there when I needed you? Most of all, did I ever say thanks for caring?

I miss you so much… I’ve tried to live my life without you as best as I could but there’s always this endless sadness deep within my heart. There is no escape from this pain but I know you would have told me not to cry. You would have wanted me to be strong… For you, I will. After all, I’m daddy’s little girl and I want you to be proud of me.

Dad, for us there’s no time and no space, no barrier love won’t erase. Wherever you are, in my heart you will be with me. For always, forever…Beyond here and on to eternity.

Happy birthday Daddy.

With all my love,

Angele

Francine made her way down the aisle with her father on Pachelbel canon wedding march… It was beautiful. But somehow I felt sad just watching her and my eyes went burning with tears. Honestly? I was thinking of my own wedding day… Every girl’s wish is to have her father give her away on her wedding day… But I will never experience this feeling. And watching the bride and her dad entering the church, just reminded me once again that my father will not be there to share one of my most beautiful dream someday… *sigh*

Anyway, weddings are supposed to be happy moments and let’s not get emotional again here! We’ll have plenty of time for that later! *cough cough*

Let me share with you some pictures from the wedding.

The bride with her bridesmaids and flower girls.

The newlywed couple, Francine and Paul.

The nice dinner table.

And finally Francine and Paul performing the first dance of the evening on the song “I want you to need me” from Celine Dion.

Congratulations once again to Francine and Paul!

I know you’re here somewhere but I can’t reach out for you because this place you now live is so far away. Missing you so much…

Today I see the world with different eyes. The more days I live, the more I realize that not everything in life can stay. Some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance, but eventually those days have their sunsets too. Everything changes and suddenly people you think will always be there, they disappear. They move away. They die.

I remember so vividly a day in December 2002 when my whole reality gave out on me. I lost the one man who saw me grew up, who taught me to smile even through rainy days. What happened to me when I lost my dad was that everything fell apart. All the ways I shield myself, all the ways I delude myself, all the ways I maintain my well polished image – all of it fell apart. My whole world went down. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t control the situation. It was so painful that I wondered if I would ever be happy again.

Still there are moments in my life that, when added together make up the reason I have become who I am today. I have done things. Some I wish I had never done, some I wish I could replay a million times in my head. But today they make me who I am and in the end, those experiences shape every detail about me. If I were to reverse any of them, I wouldn’t be at the exact place that I am now.

Today is your birthday. You would have been 58 years old. I remember that you didn’t like big parties or fancy celebrations so that we usually had a quiet dinner at home. Mom used to cook some special dishes on that occasion and we celebrated your birthday just the 4 of us; you, mom, Nick and me. You liked it that way. It was intimate and yet so lively. It reflected you in every single way.

You’ve been gone for a few years now but sometimes I still can’t accept that you’re never coming back again. It’s so hard for everyone of us. Mom still cries when she thinks of you. The other day one of your favorite songs was playing on the radio, “visions” from Cliff Richard, and she just burst into tears when listening to it. I had tears in my eyes too. I remember you used to sing that song very often and you even asked me to search the lyrics for you. And those lyrics… they are so meaningful now. “… when will we meet again? when? when? when?…”

I miss you daddy. I feel like crying because I miss you so much. Life isn’t the same without you here. I know you don’t want me to be unhappy and shed tears but I can’t help it sometimes. For this pain in my heart there is no cure… But no matter how much it hurts, I want you to know that this strength you had, I have it too within myself and this is what helps me to go on.

Today shouldn’t be a gloomy day. Today is a special day. Today is *your special day*… From the bottom of my heart I want to tell you how much I love you. Happy birthday dad. My gift for you? My everlasting love wrapped with hugs and kisses.

You are in my heart always.

Daddy’s little girl

I’m gonna watch you shine
Gonna watch you grow
Gonna paint a sign
So you’ll always know
As long as one and one is two
There could never be a father
Who loved his daughter more than I love you…
And though you’ll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I’m gone
I hope everyone will see
How happy you made me
For I’ll be there
In your eyes
In my daughter’s eyes…

You held my hands when I took my very first steps out in the world. I held your hands when God called you back to Him.

I will never forget… You still live in my heart.

Unseen, unheard, you are always near, so loved, so missed, so very dear…

I miss him. It’s not in waves, it’s constant. All the time.

I have come to accept that he will never come home again. But my sorrow doesn’t leave even for a single day. In everything I do, he’s with me. Like a love in disguise, I can feel his hug in the wind. I see his smile in the sunrise and I hear his voice beyond the clouds. But at times I long for his fatherly touch. My heart aches whenever I see a little girl and her daddy. It reminds me so much of what we used to be.

Can we get over someone’s death? And not just someone, but a person very dear to one’s heart, so close to the heart that you could see your own reflection in his eyes. It is said that time heals all wounds. Does time also heal the pain of losing somebody you loved so much? My grief is always there. The heartache remains. I think we don’t really get over. We simply learn to accept and live with it. As human beings, we adapt to the situation and we survive.

Losing a father is like losing that one wing when needing to fly. Often life seems unbearable without you, but knowing you want me to go on with my life gives me the strength to do so. I miss you more than words could ever say. I wanted you to see me in my wedding dress and walk me down the aisle. I wanted you to meet your grandchildren too. But I know that whatever I do you will be there because you are not only my daddy. You are now my guiding star and my angel.